Fine
by lamadeliadalai
Summary: Anderberry Siblings AU. When tragedy strikes, all Blaine knows how to be is fine.


_A/N: In which Blaine and Rachel are biologically both Shelby's children, raised by Shelby. _

Kurt watched him carefully throughout the funeral. He didn't stand too close, or hold his hand like he wanted to.

Blaine had Rachel to worry about. Kurt watched with sadness as Blaine held his sister close to him as she cried quietly throughout the entire service. She pressed a gloved hand to her mouth to stifle the sound of her sobs and Blaine held onto her to keep her upright and gently rubbed her back. Occasionally, Kurt would look over and see him mumble what he assumed were words of comfort into her ear and she would smile slightly in spite of herself.

Despite Blaine's demeanour, Kurt waited for a sign. He was too put together. It wasn't how he was supposed to be. He should have been falling apart like Rachel but instead, his face was a mask of unreadable calm.

Blaine stepped forward and laid a single rose on the casket of his mother. His face remained unwavering.

After the service, Kurt waited patiently as Blaine and Rachel accepted condolences from the crowd of people.

"Are you okay?" he asked, slipping his hand into Blaine's.

"I'm fine." Blaine replied stoically, pulling his hand away from Kurt.

Kurt felt the silence between them thicken.

_Three days earlier: _

Kurt and Blaine walked down the corridor of the hospital at a frantic pace; searching. They spotted a figure at the other end of the hallway, slumped against the wall.

Blaine broke into a sprint when he recognized the crumpled body of his sister.

Kurt's head spun with the gravity of what he was witnessing. He stood numbly, not able to react, unable to think.

Kurt remembered the words of a doctor: "Tree" "Red light" "Nothing" "Instantly" "On impact" "Gone"

He remembered the sounds of Rachel's gasping screams, muffled as Blaine pulled her close to his chest.

Blaine's face had hardened, his eyes darkened. He gathered Rachel up into his arms like he was picking up pieces of broken glass and held on.

It had been seven days since her Shelby's death. It had four days since the funeral. It had been 34 hours since Kurt had heard from Blaine.

So when Kurt's phone started vibrating on his bedside table, he picked it up in a heartbeat.

"Blaine?"

"It's Rachel."

Kurt's heart sunk a little.

"Hey Rach. How are you holding up?"

"Kurt, I think Blaine needs you."

"What?" Kurt was alarmed, but paradoxically; relieved. He needed Blaine to need him; he needed him to let him in.

"He hasn't slept in days. He doesn't eat. He hasn't even cried since it happened. Not at all. He just keeps saying he's fine. But he's not Kurt, and I don't know how to help him."

Kurt could hear the hysteria building in Rachel's voice and he quickly cut her off,

"Okay. I'm coming. It's okay."

Blaine opened the door to his bedroom and looked shocked to see Kurt standing there. He didn't say anything.

"Can I come in?" Kurt asked pointedly.

"Uh yeah-sure." Blaine waved Kurt inside and Kurt closed the bedroom door behind him.

Despite what Rachel had said about Blaine being put together, Kurt easily picked out that which wasn't quite right.

There was less gel in his hair than usual and it was starting to curl around the edges. There were wrinkles in his shirt that an okay Blaine never would have tolerated.

"You look exhausted." Kurt noted gently, looking at the deep circles beneath Blaine's eyes.

"I'm fine."

Kurt cringed; so that was his auto-response.

"How long has it been since you slept?" Kurt decided he was going to keep trying until he got somewhere.

Blaine shrugged,

"I'm fine."

He didnt't look at Kurt and started to wring his hands together and twist his watch around his wrist nervously.

"Blaine..." Kurt moved towards him slowly, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Don't!" Blaine snapped and yanked himself away from Kurt quickly.

Kurt recoiled, not expecting the assertiveness in Blaine's voice.

Blaine instantly softened at Kurt's expression. "Shit—No Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't mean to snap..."

Blaine ran his fingers through his hair roughly, shaking his head like it hurt.

"It's just...when you went to touch my shoulder...I...it's just that if you touch me..." Blaine sighed and grappled with his words.

"I'm keeping it together Kurt." Blaine said thickly. "For Rachel—she needs me. But Kurt, if you touch me, it's just going...I won't be able to...just don't...please" Blaine begged, anxiety filling his eyes.

Kurt took exactly the opposite advice as he moved across the room towards Blaine. He just wanted to hold onto him.

Kurt saw the panic in Blaine's eyes as he approached, "No, Kurt please, Kurt don't, I can't...Kurt..."

Kurt knocked himself into Blaine forcefully. At the contact between their bodies, he felt Blaine shudder and gasp roughly into Kurt's neck. He tried to pull himself away for a moment,

"Kurt...I can't..."

But when Kurt wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine, he felt Blaine's whole body give into his.

With a shuddering breath, Blaine lost control of everything he had been holding onto for so long. Kurt felt Blaine's knees buckle beneath him and he carefully brought them both to the floor, still holding onto Blaine as tightly as he could.

The two boys fell into a pile onto the floor as Blaine gasped for breath and tears streamed down his face.

"Okay, okay." Kurt cooed as Blaine grabbed desperately at Kurt's shirt; anything to keep him above water.

Between shuddering, gasping sobs Blaine mumbled a string of incoherent words into Kurt's chest.

"I...she-Mom...didn't...can't...Kurt-I.-need...her...please...oh god...I can't..."

Kurt wanted desperately to make it all go away. He couldn't _breathe._ The pain that was radiating off of Blaine was too much. But all he could do was hold him and hope it was enough.

The pair still lying on the floor, Kurt placed a hand on Blaine's head as it was buried in his chest.

Blaine's body convulsed with the strength of the sobs that gripped him.

"Shhh, shhhh I've got you. I've got you. Let it out."

Blaine continued to cry, holding onto Kurt as if his very life depended on it.

Kurt wasn't sure how they managed it, but somehow they ended up sprawled across Blaine's bed. Blaine's heaving and shuddering soon faltered and turned into just the occasional sniffle into Kurt's chest. Kurt nuzzled into the crook of Blaine's neck and rubbed circles onto his back, slowly and thoughtfully.

Kurt realized that Blaine had cried himself to sleep, and he felt relieved.

It was frightening when Blaine disappeared behind into himself. Kurt was so terrified that one of these days he wasn't going to be able to pull him back.

Kurt wasn't sure how many hours they stayed like that, Blaine passed out across his chest, breathing deeply and evenly, looking truly peaceful for the first time in what felt like forever. He eventually drifted too, giving in to his heavy eyelids and the sweet smell of Blaine's sheets.

When Kurt woke up again, he was alone on Blaine's bed. Stretching his legs out and massaging the kink in his neck, he left the room to go find Blaine.

He found him leaning against the doorframe between the kitchen and the living room. As Kurt approached Blaine, he held a finger up to his lips and motioned into the living room where Rachel was passed out on the couch amidst a mountain of wadded up tissues and blankets.

Kurt pressed a hand supportively against the small of Blaine's back and asked quietly,

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

Blaine's words rung hollow in Kurt's ears for a moment. He didn't understand, he thought they had gotten past this that afternoon. He thought Blaine was finally going to be able to deal with his grief, and his pain; let down his guard. But here he was again, acting like he was completely alright.

Blaine turned his darkened eyes away from Kurt and looked back at Rachel as he added quietly,

"I'm fine because I have to be."


End file.
